Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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