Are we in a gay sports bar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
