i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
