I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i think i just lost a toe
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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