I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
