he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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