So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
