My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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