I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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