Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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