In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
