the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
