rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
