Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
