we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
