My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
