Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
