oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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