i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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