yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
