I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
