I didn't shave. On purpose
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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