they need to just BURY HIM!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
