Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
