i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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