Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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