You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
