Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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