at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
