Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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