He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
false alarm. still invincible.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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