So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My bed smells like the plague
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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