I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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