And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
