Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
