dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
