Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
