Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
