my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
