i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
