seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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