I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
