u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
