Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will be naked everywhere
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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