this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
don't judge my taste in strippers
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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