So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We're too hungover to prance.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
