you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
