update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Damn victory sex feels great
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
