I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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