who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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