ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
