Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My hand turned me down
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
