A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
