You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
