ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
