I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
